I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got inside last night via doggy door
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
