i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was CRYING into my vagina
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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