Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
bring money and cleavage
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
