I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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