I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
