the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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