I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
