dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
