I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
