The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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