I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.