Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect http://tfl.nu/qvmo
  Replies (8) Good night (1070) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm http://tfl.nu/tho2
  Replies (19) Good night (1499) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Im mastering the way to pass gas silently. http://tfl.nu/n26o
  Replies (24) Good night (2930) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge http://tfl.nu/o9mq
  Replies (12) Good night (593) Bad night (6363)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all. http://tfl.nu/filb
  Replies (21) Good night (5473) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing. http://tfl.nu/tg4w
  Replies (12) Good night (6163) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is. http://tfl.nu/ux2h
  Replies (19) Good night (2639) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know. (615): My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens. http://tfl.nu/91vw
  Replies (10) Good night (1816) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is. http://tfl.nu/ytcu
  Replies (5) Good night (2655) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We won Spring Training 2013.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them. (609): We won Spring Training 2013. http://tfl.nu/awkc
  Replies (3) Good night (715) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward. (1-215): ... (215): I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure. http://tfl.nu/h70g
  Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday http://tfl.nu/gvbn
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box? http://tfl.nu/v8k1
  Replies (3) Good night (246) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time http://tfl.nu/hrwv
  Replies (1) Good night (233) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you? http://tfl.nu/752k
  Replies (3) Good night (503) Bad night (173)

Randomize