Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks