i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.