i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
