I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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