I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
