just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
3 2 1 whiskey
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
