they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
