Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
