So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
