New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
