I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish i was in the wii world.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
