so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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