I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
