I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
