Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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