What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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