he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
