If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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