I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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