I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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