***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
