Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My vagina just recognized that song.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
