dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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