i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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