we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
