It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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