i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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