She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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