you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
