She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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