I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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