Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
