i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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