Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
how does that bad decision feel?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
