I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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