Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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