I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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