Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
