So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
