your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
