my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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