She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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