Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
