he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
