i think my mom watched the whole time
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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