You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
