A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
