What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
