party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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