I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
