We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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