Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
