Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
