I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
