When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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