Whod you bang
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
