i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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