dude i'm inner monologue high
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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