I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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