she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and she was petting her beer can
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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