My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
