He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
