Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
