i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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