Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

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  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
  Replies (33) Good night (2974) Bad night (696)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (40254) Bad night (2082)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

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  (979): I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME http://tfl.nu/ljwk
  Replies (35) Good night (990) Bad night (4339)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced

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  (254): Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced http://tfl.nu/tkdm
  Replies (8) Good night (3820) Bad night (480)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.

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  (360): kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight. http://tfl.nu/tvlr
  Replies (5) Good night (3592) Bad night (557)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

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  (517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad
  Replies (19) Good night (5423) Bad night (947)
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  (408): View more from California

  his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out

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  (408): his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out http://tfl.nu/n59r
  Replies (10) Good night (910) Bad night (4135)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  No I am not eating basil off your cock

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  (239): No I am not eating basil off your cock http://tfl.nu/7i1u
  Replies (7) Good night (1098) Bad night (2693)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night

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  (561): Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night http://tfl.nu/h2y4
  Replies (6) Good night (2560) Bad night (707)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."

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  (850): He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket." http://tfl.nu/lw9r
  Replies (2) Good night (1454) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, that was you

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  (215): Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick? (215): Yeah, that was you http://tfl.nu/rydz
  Replies (7) Good night (2810) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time

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  (302): Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time http://tfl.nu/xi83
  Replies (0) Good night (961) Bad night (293)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.

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  (210): Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often. http://tfl.nu/cowe
  Replies (14) Good night (854) Bad night (336)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment

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  (802): as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment http://tfl.nu/bym2
  Replies (6) Good night (567) Bad night (1158)
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  (619): View more from California

  I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.

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  (619): I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs. http://tfl.nu/h2q5
  Replies (5) Good night (564) Bad night (255)

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