She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.