they said they heard you say put it in my butt
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette