I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.