Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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  (573): i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru http://tfl.nu/xoee
  Replies (22) Good night (869) Bad night (3500)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i really wish james franco would like my vagina

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  (540): i really wish james franco would like my vagina http://tfl.nu/g4mj
  Replies (25) Good night (5795) Bad night (1214)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"

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  (617): it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast" http://tfl.nu/sn1x
  Replies (11) Good night (1955) Bad night (3066)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

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  (604): Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling. http://tfl.nu/zskd
  Replies (14) Good night (7250) Bad night (1042)
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  (707): View more from California

  frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.

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  (707): frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it. http://tfl.nu/00co
  Replies (9) Good night (4314) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.

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  (412): Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country. http://tfl.nu/04vq
  Replies (18) Good night (5770) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him

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  (850): if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him http://tfl.nu/ohx4
  Replies (4) Good night (2309) Bad night (1674)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

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  (732): I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked. http://tfl.nu/sxfw
  Replies (15) Good night (6073) Bad night (1963)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

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  (202): just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog http://tfl.nu/w6qp
  Replies (4) Good night (3332) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.

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  (208): Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/191q
  Replies (18) Good night (801) Bad night (5422)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.

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  (814): We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus. http://tfl.nu/cwxq
  Replies (16) Good night (1308) Bad night (1922)
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  (716): View more from New York

  ... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace

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  (716): ... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace http://tfl.nu/lenw
  Replies (11) Good night (866) Bad night (1935)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.

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  (636): Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us. http://tfl.nu/w51y
  Replies (2) Good night (1757) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  do we own a ladder

  (206): View more from Washington

  We do not.

  (360): View more from Washington

  then how am i on the roof

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  (360): do we own a ladder (206): We do not. (360): then how am i on the roof http://tfl.nu/xqbq
  Replies (18) Good night (5624) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.

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  (864): I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something. http://tfl.nu/s8xu
  Replies (6) Good night (797) Bad night (345)

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