K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
