this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
