My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We had sex on a dog bed..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand