Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Randomize
Follow @tfln