So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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