It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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